No Substitute

Pincho's revives a Bernie's Burger Bus classic; while Boom Baam—located inside a gas station mini mart—underscores the Houston burger scene's dedication to innovation

Sometimes your algorithm knows you better than you know yourself. I’m not sure I would’ve become aware of Boom Baam (13905 Westheimer Rd) had Instagram not started feeding me videos featuring the venue’s stacked-a-mile-high burger compositions. As a lover of piling everything-and-the-kitchen-sink on top of my beloved patties, Boom Baam ratcheted its way up to the top of my to-do list.

Located in a gas station mini-mart — this is now the third instance of such I’ve encountered this past year, along with Lone Star Market and Fresh & Furious — Boom Baam owner Chef Roberts is whipping up some of the tastier beef concoctions in Houston.

I ordered the “Build a Tower,” comprised of double beef, cheese, lettuce, pickles, grilled jalapeños, onions, and Boom Baam sauce, plus beef links, bacon, egg, and avocado. For the ridiculous number of hamburgers I’ve consumed in my life, I’m not sure I’ve ever had one topped with sausage, and I have to say—I dug the addition. The composition was expertly assembled (look at my photo!), and overall flavor terrific. Juicy and delicious, this is worth your while and an easy 4.5.

Next up: the Pincho burger chain—which, sad to say, severely underwhelmed me during my birthday burger weekend trifecta back in February—has a limited-time special collaboration available with none other than Justin Turner of the legendary Bernie’s Burger Bus.

For those unfamiliar, Bernie’s Burger Bus was an institution and one of the absolute best burger spots in all of Houston in the late 2010s. The family and I ate at the La Centerra location at what felt like a monthly cadence (it probably wasn’t, but we definitely made our share of visits), and it was beloved by all four of us. Much to the sheer horror of beef lovers citywide, closed all of its locations early on during the COVID-19 pandemic. Something else (that was clearly memorable 😂) briefly occupied the old Bernie’s space but it has largely sat vacant ever since, and to this day I am saddened whenever I pass by the old orange-hued storefront.

This was The Substitute burger at Bernie’s—a blue cheese bacon burger with what they called “tipsy” onions and burgundy mushrooms. This burger is truly GOATED, as the kids say (editor’s note: do they?), and if it were still around would easily occupy a slot in my top 5 of all time.

Unfortunately Pincho only brought one Bernie’s burger back: The Cheerleader (pictured above in daylight), comprised of a black angus patty topped with pepper jack, beer-battered jalapeños, slow-roasted garlic tomatoes, lettuce, and cilantro-jalapeño aioli. I modified it with a fried egg, applewood smoked bacon, pickles, and Texas-style double smash patties. Smashes weren’t really a thing—or at least, definitely weren’t what they are now—during Bernie’s’ heyday, so I thought it’d be fun to try ‘em on this Bernie’s re-creation.

The Pincho/Bernie’s Cheerleader was good! Substantially better than whatever I’d ordered at Pincho during my original disappointing experience. Was it Bernie’s good? Well, no, but it was satisfying enough in its own right and played all of the heart-tugging nostalgic notes that I’m glad it exists, and hopefully is successful enough for them to revisit additional items from Bernie’s’ back catalog. If a revival of The Substitute is announced at some point, that sound you’ll hear immediately after is me spontaneously combusting in excitement.

The third new burger to me I recently consumed was Stafford’s Tornado Burger. An old school burger joint to the hilt, I loved everything about its no-frills aesthetic (though talk about well off the beaten path, at least for this Katy resident). I ordered their triple spicy hamburger, and…it was fine. No major complaints, but nothing particularly memorable about it, either. My main takeaways were that I felt like the flavor was pretty subdued, and it definitely wasn’t notably spicy. Beef was fine; but overall this left something to be desired. Then again, at only a 4.0 on Yelp (4.5 on Google), this is one of those semi-rare occurrences where I agree with the wisdom of the crowd.